When Your Child Hates School


“I hate Kindergarten,” he confessed with little arms crossed and tears in his eyes. “I did not have a good day and I do not want to go again.”

My heart sank. It seemed that almost everything, from a too-tight snack box to a lonely after-lunch recess, had gone wrong for him on his first day of school. There was fear. There was drama. And there were oh, so many tears.

“I’m sorry you did not have a good day. Tomorrow will be better.”

“So I have to go back?”

“Yes,” I nodded, mostly to convince myself. “Tomorrow will be better. Goodnight, Colin. I love you so much.”

He softly cried himself to sleep that night. So did I. 

when your child hates school

My initial reaction to Colin’s hatred of Kindergarten was anger. Why had no one helped him open his too-tight snack box? Why had no one paired him with a buddy for recess? Why does my child, who excelled in and loved 4K, suddenly hate school? I wanted to storm into his classroom and give his teacher a piece of my mind!

“Tomorrow will be better,” my husband reminded, calmly swiping Candy Crush on his phone.

When Your Child Hates School

The truth is, the first day of school is hard. Not only are kids expected to wave goodbye to their family and walk single file off into a loud, crowded school with a complete stranger, they are asked to do it with a smile on their face. As an Elementary School Counselor, I knew that yes, tomorrow would be better, as will each day after. But in the meantime, there were things I could do at home to help Colin with his transition to school.

1. I could listen to and empathize with his very strong feelings. I could use personal stories about my school experiences to connect with him. 

2. I could pre-snip his fruit snacks and pack his snack into an easy-to-open reusable bag. I could make sure he was dressed appropriately and prepared for the day.

3. I could make sure he was getting plenty of rest and healthy meals.

4. I could arrange mental health support for him in school or through a trained doctor or counselor if his anxiety continued or worsened, or if I noticed a change in his day-to-day behavior and/or mood (depression or anxiety, difficulties with self-control, coping and transitioning). If you have concerns or questions about your child’s mental health and/or transition to school, please speak with your child’s pediatrician. 

5. I could arrange playdates with his classmates to help him build friendships. I could make an effort to learn the procedures and rules of his classroom and school so that I could reinforce them at home. 

6. I could read him stories about school and kiss the inside of his small hand.

7. I could build a relationship with his teacher, shower her with appreciation, foster communication with her, and surprise her with chocolate or coffee. 

8. I could reassure him that he will get through this because he is a brave, strong, smart, kind, and resilient kid. 

9. I could empty his folders every night and hang his school work on the refrigerator. I could actively participate and show interest in his life at school. Gosh, I could even join the PTA!

But most of all, I could let go. I could let him work through this and experience the fear, the excitement, the anticipation, the success, and the struggles that growing up brings. I could give him the gift of time – however much he needed.

When Your Child Hates School

On the third day of school there were no tears. He rode his scooter home with a smile on his face and announced, “I love Kindergarten! Thanks for cutting my fruit snack bag, Mommy. My day was better, just like you said” 

My heart sank. But this time, it sank because my baby was growing up. He had decided to let Kindergarten into his heart and had decided that he was ready for a little bit of life outside home.

And I couldn’t be more proud.

 

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About Melissa

Melissa is the voice behind Fireflies and Mud Pies, a children’s activity blog that strives to inspire others to play, create, and celebrate. If you are passionate about homemade food, simple crafts, and nature, consider following along with Fireflies and Mud Pies through Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Comments

  1. Thank you for this! Just what I needed to read~ you expressed all the mixed emotions of a mom and child so well. So happy your little guy is loving Kinder now!

  2. Great and encouraging post! My daughter loved K, but now she is the second grade and complains that school takes too long and is too easy. In other words, she is bored. I wonder what advice do you have for this situation?

    • If a child is bored in school, it’s important to find out why. Often in the beginning of the school year, the first few weeks are spent reviewing/reteaching curriculum, procedures, and school rules from the previous year to compensate for summer learning loss (it’s been well researched and documented that in the summer, kids typically lose 1-2 months of their knowledge from the year before). She might be bored right now because of that (she already knows all the rules!), or perhaps her teacher simply isn’t engaging her. Everyone learns in different ways (learning styles). Some other kids who typically love school, just need some time to readjust to the school routine and long days of learning. If the curriculum is too easy for her, her teacher will notice and bring it to your attention. Encourage your daughter to hang in there, as the first few weeks can be the hardest, to make good choices (sometimes when kids are bored in school, behavior becomes an issue), and to participate. If she needs more advanced work to keep her engaged, that’s a conversation you can have with the teacher during conferences (which in my school, are coming up next month!). Thanks for your comment!

  3. I’m so glad Kindergarten got better for him and kudos to you for letting him work through it! First week of Kindergarten is very stressful for parents!

  4. Melissa, your son’s story touched me and your 9 solutions are so helpful.

  5. Terri Malone says:

    I enjoyed your story and your solutions. I was wondering if you might have some advice to help with my daughter. She is six and in the first grade, I’m not sure if it’s anxiety or what but she cries every morning. She gets up and complains of a belly ache some mornings and this issue has been addressed and she does have IBS so some of the belly aches are accuring. Then there’s mornings when she’s fine until we get to the school and drop her off and then she starts crying that she wants me. It’s extremely stressful on her and me some days I don’t want to leave her and her teacher does help she’s very supportive and tells her she needs to start her day with a smile. Her teacher say’s she stops soon after she arrives but again this is every morning. I’m going to be talking to her doctor but it’s not for three weeks any advice would help.

  6. Thank you for this – really helpful and just what I needed to read today! My first grader is struggling with math class right now: for the first time he’s not getting very thing right all the time and he inflicts pressure and criticism on himself that’s just heartbreaking to watch.

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